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Posted by on Nov 2, 2012 in Inspirational | 5 comments

Not Married…Just Sleeping Together

Not Married…Just Sleeping Together

I’m confronted with the idea quite a bit:  “How will I know if my future spouse and I click in the bedroom unless we try it out, first?”  It seems logical enough of a question.  But that’s only because the question itself is framed in a cultural myth…that the honeymoon is the culmination of a couple’s sexual relationship.  Let me offer a different perspective.

What if the honeymoon was only the beginning of a sexual relationship that gets sweeter and sweeter your whole life?  How much experience would you need to get started?  The answer: absolutely none.  The truth is that God designed us to crave our first and most frequent sexual experiences.  If you want to be enraptured with sexual desire and passion for your spouse, wait until you have a spouse and start your sexual experiences together.  In the meantime, if you want to “try-on” your potential spouse, consider these areas:

4 Ways to “Try-On” a Potential Spouse

1.) Ride out multiple seasons together: Everyone looks great when they’re on top of the world.  But life throws different seasons at us.  Some of those seasons are difficult.  How does your significant other hold up under the pressure of the hard seasons?  If possible, don’t rush into marriage before allowing time to observe their character in the ups and the downs.

2.) Get Spiritual: I’m amazed at how many couples don’t even bring up spiritual questions while dating.  Can you imagine if the first time this comes up is deciding whether you’ll raise your child in church? Figure this stuff out before marriage.  Ask the tough questions.  Dig into yourself, too.  What is your level of devotion going to be to God and His House the rest of your life?  Are you attaching yourself to someone who will go there with you?

3.) Embrace Conflict: Most of us want our serious relationships to work-out.  And by “work-out” I mean to end in marriage.  As a result, it’s easy to avoid conflict while dating.  We cover up issues and try to make our relationship look perfect.  We save the good fights until we’ve already gotten hitched.  Why not jump into conflict before marriage?  How do you handle it?  How does he/she handle it?  A good conflict will tell you so much more than a dozen perfect dates.

4.) Talk about money:  Money issues are a leading cause of divorce.  But I rarely hear dating people talk openly about their financial convictions and habits.  Bring it up!  Observe earning, saving and spending patterns.  Ask about debt.  Then, refer to #3.  It’s better to have these discussions upfront.

If you want to “try on” a potential spouse, I recommend these four areas.  Leave the sex for the honeymoon!  What areas are you exploring (or wish you had explored) in your potential spouse?

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Posted by on Sep 5, 2012 in Personal Finance | 0 comments

More on Budgeting: Using Values to Simplify…

More on Budgeting: Using Values to Simplify…

My 5-year-old, Audrey, is also on a tight budget.  I told her over a year ago that if she wanted that new playground set from Costco that she was going to have to save for it.  $998 is a lot of money to find in coins just lying around the house!  A few weeks ago she found herself in quite a dilemma.  They started teaching about generosity in children’s church.  She felt challenged to give some of her coins from her piggy bank, but she didn’t know what to do.  If she gave the coins away, it would take away from what she had already saved toward the playground!

That’s the problem with personal finance…there are too many options.  We have a lot of places we could spend money and a lot of reasons to save money.  It’s easy to get lost in the process of figuring out what we should do and what we shouldn’t, and which order to prioritize things.  For me, the solution is something I call “values-based budgeting”.  The entire budgeting process is driven by personal values that I pull from God’s Word.  It gives me a starting point for simplifying the process and limiting my options.

Here are just a few of the values that drive my personal budgeting:

1.) Generosity.  Proverbs 11:24 says that “the world of the generous gets larger and larger” and that “the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller”.  To me that means that no matter how tight my budget is, generosity has to be a part of it.  Otherwise, my financial world would just keep getting smaller and smaller!

2.) Preparation for the future.  Proverbs 6:6-8 tells us to observe the ways of the ant, “which prepares her food in the summer and gathers her provision in the harvest”.  That tells me that I need to be aware that some of what I have now could be provision for the future.  I need to set aside the necessary portion to prepare for future needs.

3.) No Personal Debt.  Proverbs 22:7 says that “the borrower becomes the lender’s slave.”  It’s true.  A monthly payment feels like bondage that restricts financial growth.  God wants us to be lenders, not borrowers.  This is not just the result of prosperity…it is the pathway to prosperity.

4.) Timely Payments.  Leviticus 19:13 says “The wages of a hired man are not to remain with you all night until morning.”  This tells me that if I have the money, I should pay them what I owe them as quick as possible.

5.) Faithfulness.  Luke 16:10 says, “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much.”  I believe that if I can stick to my values, now, while my finances are small, that I’ll be trusted with more in the future.

What values are driving your financial management?

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Posted by on Sep 4, 2012 in Personal Finance | 11 comments

Finances Tight? 4 Suggestions to help.

Finances Tight? 4 Suggestions to help.

I know what it’s like to live on a tight budget.  I remember the day my wife and I came home from our honeymoon.  I logged in to our bank account online for the first time as a married person.  Don’t ask me how I did this, but I completely lost track of how much we were spending while we were gone.  We had not only spent our entire budget for the trip.  Overdraft protection had set in and our savings account was completely drained!  More, our checking account was in the red by almost $2k!  I wanted to hide in the closet, but someone had to tell my wife that we couldn’t spend ANY money…for like…two months!

You’d think I’d have it all figured out now that we’ve been married almost 10 years.  But, just a couple of weeks ago I sat down to take a long-overdue look at our finances.  I had noticed that I was having to transfer money every few weeks from our savings account to stay on top of our expenses.  I had thought the trend was because of some one-time expenses on our vacation.  But, when I crunched the numbers I realized the budget we had been operating off was flawed.  We were planning to spend more money than we were planning to make.  As a result, we’d gone through much of our savings!

So, now it’s catch-up time.  I need to figure out a way to get some money back in savings and still provide for our family.  Maybe you’re in the same place.  Here are some things I’ve learned about navigating through a tight financial place:

1.) Attack EARLY or Attack NOW.  This is where I tell you to do what I say, not what I did!  It’s usually easy to see the signs of a personal financial shortage (bank accounts going down / credit cards going up).  However, we all have a tendency to avoid facing it.  We hope it’s not true.  Sitting down and taking a hard look at the numbers means having a reality check about our situation.  It’s not fun.  But, the earlier you can get on it, the better.  Usually, the earlier you start planning for a financial squeeze, the more options you have.  When you’re responsible for a family, you can’t just stop spending money.  You’re better off with extra time to move in the right direction.  So, don’t put it off!  Attack the problem early.  And, if it’s too late for that, then attack the problem now!

2.) Make the numbers work.  Sit down with a piece of paper or a spreadsheet.  List your income and subtract your ideal expenses.  I know, it’s terrifying!  Mine was several tens of thousands in the red…but hey…those were my ideal expenses!  Now start making changes until your expenses equal your income, and don’t settle for anything else!  Some suggestions:

  • Make changes!  You can’t do what you’ve always done and expect different results.  Something is going to be different when this process is over.  So, be prepared to accept that.
  • Don’t just look at changes to your expense columns.  Look for additional income.  We decided to give up our basement and take on a tenant to help us through this financial season.  What could you do to bring in additional money?  A second job?  Yard sale?
  • Do something radical.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  I decided not to spend money eating out for the next six months.  It will require a lot of planning and self-control, but it’s just radical enough to make a big difference in our budget.
  • Plan for generosity.  Being generous is like planting seeds in the ground.  Don’t plan to eat all of your seed in a financial crunch.  If you do, you’re just ensuring that the season will never end.  Keep tithing.  Keep giving.  The harvest from your generosity will eventually get you out of this!
  • Leave room for God.  There are some expenses that I’m not ready to give up on, but I can’t fit in my budget.  I move those expenses to a separate column and ask God to take care of them.  I don’t plan to spend it, but when extra money comes in, I know where I want it to go.  My wife and I will pray over the expenses in this column and ask God to provide for them.  This time around, I have about $70k in my God column!

3.) Stick to the plan.  Once you’ve got everything working on paper, go ahead and commit to it.  Figure out a way to allocate your income and track your expenses to stay on top of it.  I use an online software called mvelopes.  Find something that works for you and don’t deviate from your plan.  Just a small amount of faithfulness in this will pay off big time.

4.) ADAPT often.  Income changes.  Expenses change.  Update your plan regularly so you don’t get lost.  Make the most of changes for the better and attack changes for the worse.  Your preferences also change.  Remember, your budget is there to serve you.  You don’t need to serve it.  Make changes to suit your changing preferences.  Just don’t do like me and plan to spend more than you have! 🙂

There’s a lot more to say about all this.  But, that’s enough for now.  What about you?  What do you do in a financial tight spot?

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