Not Married…Just Sleeping Together
I’m confronted with the idea quite a bit: “How will I know if my future spouse and I click in the bedroom unless we try it out, first?” It seems logical enough of a question. But that’s only because the question itself is framed in a cultural myth…that the honeymoon is the culmination of a couple’s sexual relationship. Let me offer a different perspective.
What if the honeymoon was only the beginning of a sexual relationship that gets sweeter and sweeter your whole life? How much experience would you need to get started? The answer: absolutely none. The truth is that God designed us to crave our first and most frequent sexual experiences. If you want to be enraptured with sexual desire and passion for your spouse, wait until you have a spouse and start your sexual experiences together. In the meantime, if you want to “try-on” your potential spouse, consider these areas:
4 Ways to “Try-On” a Potential Spouse
1.) Ride out multiple seasons together: Everyone looks great when they’re on top of the world. But life throws different seasons at us. Some of those seasons are difficult. How does your significant other hold up under the pressure of the hard seasons? If possible, don’t rush into marriage before allowing time to observe their character in the ups and the downs.
2.) Get Spiritual: I’m amazed at how many couples don’t even bring up spiritual questions while dating. Can you imagine if the first time this comes up is deciding whether you’ll raise your child in church? Figure this stuff out before marriage. Ask the tough questions. Dig into yourself, too. What is your level of devotion going to be to God and His House the rest of your life? Are you attaching yourself to someone who will go there with you?
3.) Embrace Conflict: Most of us want our serious relationships to work-out. And by “work-out” I mean to end in marriage. As a result, it’s easy to avoid conflict while dating. We cover up issues and try to make our relationship look perfect. We save the good fights until we’ve already gotten hitched. Why not jump into conflict before marriage? How do you handle it? How does he/she handle it? A good conflict will tell you so much more than a dozen perfect dates.
4.) Talk about money: Money issues are a leading cause of divorce. But I rarely hear dating people talk openly about their financial convictions and habits. Bring it up! Observe earning, saving and spending patterns. Ask about debt. Then, refer to #3. It’s better to have these discussions upfront.
If you want to “try on” a potential spouse, I recommend these four areas. Leave the sex for the honeymoon! What areas are you exploring (or wish you had explored) in your potential spouse?